5 Challenges Faced when Living with Family (with a New Baby)!
by: Danielle Young of Chaos in Small Doses
5. When to Ask for Help
4. Unsolicited Advice
3. Drawing Lines
2. Running Out of Room
Me Time
Whether you are married or single, sometimes in life we are faced with financial challenges that are unfavorable. More people in today’s society have to live with family just to get by. This arrangement comes with many pros and cons when your bundle of joy finally arrives. Among the challenges that come with transitioning into parenthood, we are also faced with hormone imbalances while we, along with our families, adjust to the baby’s sleep schedule. If you are anything like me, when my son arrived, I thought that I could do it all. After having a C-section, I didn’t realize how limited I was in the things I was allowed to do and the things, I just could not physically handle.
5. When to Ask for Help
I would have rather popped a stitch than ask someone to help me off the bed just to hold the baby. When I was pregnant, I read every blog, article, magazine and baby book because I was so excited to know how my baby’s development was evolving. The one thing I failed to read were articles about when the baby actually arrives. I had a lot of experiences with caring for children of all ages growing up, I just thought, I got this! But I didn’t. I had to find out by trial and error that it’s better just to say, I need help. There are a few ways to go about this; you could employ one or two family members to help with preparing meals and clean up. Another could help with feeding or changing the baby so you can get a little bit more rest. Trust me, 20 minutes of rest is golden when you are nursing around the clock. While healing after surgery, I wasn’t allowed to drive my car. Fortunately, my mother was able to help me with driving to and from the doctor and lifting the baby in and out of the car. I truly had to swallow my pride within the first month home with my son, I needed to just let my family help. It is less stressful and you won’t hurt yourself in the process. Also, have a good friend that has a child also that you can call sometimes when you just need to vent. Having that person there that is not family is a great outlet and a much needed bonding experience in the process.
4. Unsolicited Advice
This is a touchy subject because as a new parent yes I want advice but I also don’t want someone telling me how to be a parent. Often times, I was in tears because I felt like everything I was doing was wrong! Yes I read a lot about babies, but they do not come with manuals, every child is different. You really have to learn your baby as your baby is getting used to you on the outside of your womb. I would say my least favorite piece of advice was, “don’t hold him like that, you are going to drop him” or “don’t give him regular water, you need to boil it”. These things used to get on my last hormonal nerve but after many nights of prayer and meditation, I realized that they are just trying to help. It doesn’t mean we have to take the advice, but we can say, “Okay, I never knew that, thank you” and keep it moving. Sometimes, we may hurt feelings by lashing out, but when you are calm, it’s important to apologize because you are still learning as each day passes. It took 9 months for the baby to cook, of course it’s going to take some time to get to your normal you again! Don’t be hard on one another, but most importantly, don’t be hard on yourself.
3. Drawing Lines
Along with the unsolicited advice, there comes a time when enough is enough. It is okay to draw lines in the sand with how much advice you can take. The best time to let someone know when you have reached your limit is after you are calm, rested a bit and have something on your stomach. The worst thing anyone can do is tell a joke or be sarcastic to a woman that just gave birth and is hungry! You are a new mother, you are trying to get used to not sleeping and a tiny crying human. Everyone has limits, and it’s healthy to stand up for yourself and just let your family know when too much, is just too much. Thanks, but no thanks.
2. Running Out of Room
As your baby grows with each week, they are bound to grow out of the things they haven’t even worn yet. A great and cost effective way to make room for growth is to invest in storage containers. For less than 20 dollars, you can find storage drawers and containers that come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and colors to organize when you have a moment to yourself. Places like Walmart, Target and Big Lots are perfect for finding these easy organizational tools. Not only will this make room for new clothes and toys but organizing and cleaning is therapeutic. This time will give you a chance to fold those clothes you just couldn’t get to and also to relax and clear your mind. I have found that cleaning is a great way for me to release some pent up stress and frustration. As much as i would like to have my own place for my baby and me, we just can’t afford it and that is the reality of our situation. So when we are running out of room, we have to improvise.
1. Me Time
This is a tough one because, I feel guilty when I want a break from my baby. It’s sweet and all but if you don’t take breaks from your baby, you will seriously go insane. It’s healthy to take 30 minutes to an hour to yourself whether it is to get that pedicure you so desperately need or to watch TV with peace and quiet. If you are married or living with a significant other, it is also important to incorporate date night. Keep the spice in your relationship and don’t forget about the love you have for each other! Although your body is not back to its pre-baby weight, you are sexier now, you gave birth to a child you created out of love, you are stronger, and more resilient than you think, momma. After you have had your date with yourself or your mate, you will come back with a renewed spirit and excitement to see your child. You will miss your baby when you are out but you will soon realize, it’s the best thing you can do to recharge and be refreshed to tackle the rest of your day.
Instead of letting your financial situation define you, see it as a blessing in disguise. You have more than enough help, you are saving money and your baby has all the love he/she could possibly ever need. As a mother, sometimes we lead with all the bad days we have had this week but for 2014, we should try on a new kind of attitude. We are humbled, grateful and encouraged by our family and in turn they get to see our beautiful baby grow up and thrive right before their eyes. Remember to always ask for help when you need it, talk to a friend, learn to say, “thanks but no thanks”, get organized and take a break. These five tips are sure to get you on a positive path for the great year that is before you.
[highlight1]About the Author[/highlight1]
Danielle Young is a single mother of a bi-racial, fantastic 7-month-old named, Aidan Kyler. She is currently, a stay at home mom and part time blogger. Read more from her at Chaos in Small Doses
