Temperance: Abstaining from My Worst Habit (and I Bet Some of You Do This Too!)
By Jessica Peyton Roberts
Read more from Jessica here
This is the third in a four part series about my self-improvement project on cultivating increased Wisdom. You can read more about the experiment here.
Temperance is the virtue most commonly associated with self-denial; it is the umbrella term for the three subvirtues of modesty, chastity, and abstinence.
Goodness knows I needed a week of abstaining from my very bad habit of Worst Case Scenarioing.
I do this all the time:
My husband didn’t text me when he got to work…. What if there was an accident? How can I reach him? What would I do without him?
Cue me texting him, emailing him, leaving him a voicemail, and emailing him again, only to have him reply that that he was in an area of the building with no reception.
I don’t feel well but I had a run planned for today. And if I don’t run today, I won’t have time to run and lift tomorrow. And I really should lift tomorrow. What if I don’t run today OR lift tomorrow? What if I never feel like exercising ever again?
Um. I’m sorry to say this happens more than I would like to admit. Especially because I always recover and get right back into my exercise routine. And I also know, deep down, I could give up all formal exercise and be fine, since my lifestyle keeps me active anyway.
I haven’t heard back from my client yet. What if he didn’t like how I completed the project? What if he wants me to do it over? Or wants to go with someone else? And tells everyone how much he regretted working with me?
And then a note arrives from the client saying he is delighted with the end result.
The pattern here is that I devote an inordinate amount of energy into a spiral of “what if’s” that truly have never come to fruition. I recognize how utterly pointless it is to spend time Worst Case Scenarioing since a) what’s going to happen will happen and b) I get zero return on my worries.
Worrying is an illusory form of control, and as such, doesn’t actually put any kind of power in my hands to influence a particular situation’s outcome.
I didn’t make any formal plans for my week of checking and blocking my Worst Case Scenarioing. I knew opportunities would present themselves. And boy did they.
Most notably, I had to fly two 5 hour flights within six days. And guys, I’m a panicky flyer. It’s a quiet fear – I don’t let my seatmates know I’m whiteknuckling it through the take-off, landing, and any turbulence. But in my mind, as soon as that seatbelt sign is illuminated, I’m saying “Hail Mary’s” and thinking about how I’ll never get to hug my husband again, or pet my cats one more time, and why didn’t I just drive…?!
This time when the plane started bucking, I took out a book and commanded myself to keep reading. When a negative thought crept in, I acknowledged it and let it go.
The plane is jerking and I am scared. But soon the flight will be over and I will be home.
That’s all I allowed myself. It worked surprisingly well. For once I made it through a book, finally able to focus, and upon landing, was in much better spirits than usual. Typically a plane ride consumes all my energy that I feel like I’ve been put through the wringer, but this time I was able to deplane, trot on over to baggage claim, and hug my husband at the top of the stairs.
WISDOM GAINED:
By limiting ourselves in some ways, we increase our opportunities for freedom in others. I had to draw boundaries for myself about how much I was allowed to fret over what may or may not happen, and as a result, found myself finding it easier to stay focused on what IS, instead of what MIGHT BE.
Abstaining from Worst Case Scenarioing took a remarkable amount of concentration and self-control, but I was rewarded with an overall better mood, increased energy, and newly formed commitment to accepting I can’t control everything, so I better enjoy what I can.
Catch up!
Introduction to the Experiment
Week 1: Practicing Prudence
Week 2: Justice For All
Read more from Jessica here
[highlight1]ABOUT THE AUTHOR:[/highlight1]
[one_half]
[/one_half] [one_half_last] Jessica Peyton Roberts is the Director of Aim High Writing, serving as an Applications Coach and Consultant to high-performing students and nonprofit organizations in developing the most competitive school, scholarship, and grant applications. Peyton Roberts posts free advice and resources for aspiring college and graduate students on her blog, Aim High. She enjoys powerlifting, cats, and spending time with her husband.[/one_half_last]
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