Fortitude: Forging On
By Jessica Peyton Roberts
Read more from Jessica here.
This is the fourth in a four part series about my self-improvement project on cultivating increased Wisdom. You can read more about the experiment here.
My month-long experiment ended with perhaps the most challenging week of the four: cultivating fortitude in the face of adversity.
I went into the experiment thinking that I would talk about how I ended up being brave in some way I didn’t realize was possible for me. And that my unexpected courage would embolden me in the future when I inevitably meet challenges again.
Instead, I want to talk about someone else’s fortitude. My mother’s, specifically.
You see, at the end of January she was undergoing care to destroy a highly-treatable form of cancer. Everyone was speaking positively about it. She said not to worry because her doctor said not to worry. In fact, her specialist seemed almost recklessly unworried; she cancelled on my mother three times last fall, and treatment didn’t commence until nearly a year after the lump was initially discovered.
I live across the country from my parents and only knew as much as they chose to reveal over time. When I learned about the slow response to her diagnosis, I felt a familiar flicker of my inner Protective Bear stir up. If I lived closer, I thought, I would have made this happen a lot sooner. Why has this nonsense been permitted to drag on for so long?
I flew back to assist during the time my mother underwent radiation. She insisted on going to most appointments herself (“It’s just in-and-out, so don’t worry about!”), cooking dinners, and doing the grocery shopping. I wanted to be helpful but she wouldn’t let me!
I tried to find other ways to take control of the situation. I made her a no-salt, no dairy, no eggs breakfast cake that fit her special dietary restrictions during the treatment after hearing her say she was sick of oatmeal. I took on the Polar Vortex and shoveled the driveway in -10 degrees over an hour and a half, knowing my mother would be out there if I didn’t beat her to it.
But mostly I tried to just stay present. To talk. To hang out. To watch YouTube videos of dogs and cats playing. To introduce her to the perfection that is The Mindy Project.
What I observed was true courage.
My mother didn’t complain. She didn’t lay in bed all day or sit on the couch and insist on people coddling her. When I expressed frustration that our extended family wasn’t dropping by to help out – people she has helped over and over again – she gently reminded me they have their own busy lives.
“But you’re never too busy for them!” I protested.
“It’s fine,” she said.
And she really meant it. She wasn’t getting worked up about our family, or her doctors, or her limitations.
After I flew home I called on her to ask how she was doing, knowing that she was currently quarantined in the house due to radioactivity. She couldn’t come within 4 feet of anyone (an order I ignored when I hugged her goodbye).
“How are you?” I asked, after my father texted me to let me know she was a little down and could use a call.
“I’m ok,” she said. And she meant it.
WISDOM GAINED
Fortitude isn’t so much about being brave as it is responding to challenges with grace and poise. When we are scared or anxious, we tend to react angrily – with ourselves, with others. I didn’t see my mother playing the blame game with anybody.
Nope. She decided that the best way to get through a major illness was to deal with it but not focus on it. In doing so, she provided the best example of resilient courage I could have hoped for during my experiment.
Jessica is a Higher Education Consultant with Aim High Writing.
Catch up!
Introduction to the Experiment
Week 1: Practicing Prudence
Week 2: Justice For All
Week 3: Temperance:Abstaining From My Worst Habit
[highlight1]ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
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[/one_half] [one_half_last] Jessica Peyton Roberts is the Director of Aim High Writing, serving as an Applications Coach and Consultant to high-performing students and nonprofit organizations in developing the most competitive school, scholarship, and grant applications. Peyton Roberts posts free advice and resources for aspiring college and graduate students on her blog, Aim High. She enjoys powerlifting, cats, and spending time with her husband.[/one_half_last]
CONTACT INFO:
Email: [email protected]
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LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/jessica-peyton-roberts/6a/139/621
Company Page: http://www.linkedin.com/company/aim-high-writing
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